Harry and Jennifer met during college. She was a History major with an interest in Philosophy and Harry was a graduate student completing his MBA. They dated each other for a year before they finally decided to get engaged. Things were very promising indeed. After all, Harry was very popular, handsome and came from a well-bred upbringing. Shortly upon graduation they moved to Vermont where they decided to buy and old Bed & Breakfast and refurbish it. Within the next few years, they had two children: a boy and girl. Things were going great, but they weren’t bound to last.
One day, after completing the books for the month, Harry began to realize that the B&B was losing money. He seemed a little bit angrier and more stressed out that usual too. When Jennifer tried to assuage him, he lashed out at her verbally, calling her everything in the book, insulting her weight, her looks, her family, her intelligence and even her Jewish upbringing. She fled to the bedroom and locked the door. Meanwhile, their children screamed and hid in their rooms as the traumatic scene unfolded. This is when Harry kicked down the door and continued to berate and demean her as a person.
At this point, she was just praying that he would not resort to physical abuse. When he picked up a vase and threw it at the wall, she was sure he was going to go for her next! Luckily, that was it. Harry stormed out of the room, out of the house and for a drink at a local bar.
Jennifer could not believe what she had just witnessed. Just like that, Harry changed into someone completely different. Jennifer had just been verbally and mentally abused. She was shocked. Harry had never acted this way before and his behavior now was totally without precedent. It was like he was a man possessed, turned on a dime into a demon. It was not a freak occurrence.
The next day she was making plans to go visit her family, but Harry pleaded with her to stay, saying it was a “one time” sort of incident and that it would not happen again. They had a heart-to-heart and he convinced her to stay. But, gradually the insults piled up again. Finally, one day Jennifer had enough and told him off. Losing it, Harry went into a rampage and destroyed everything in the kitchen.
He smashed the dishes and kicked a dent into the stainless steel refrigerator. By the time he was done, he did thousands of dollars of damage to their kitchen as well as immeasurable damage to her psyche. And what do you know?
As Jennifer was planning to leave with the kids the next day, he tried to apologize once again. Jennifer was afraid of another outburst, so she told him what he wanted to hear. Then, when he left for town to get some supplies for the B&B, she bolted, taking the kids with her to upstate New York where her family lived. The next time Harry heard from Jennifer was when he was served with an official complaint. She wanted a divorce and custody of the kids.
Here is where Jennifer did some good planning and sought the advice of a great attorney. As much as Jennifer now despised her husband, she strove for a fair settlement to get this chapter of her life closed, so that she could move on. The judge perfectly understood Jennifer’s situation and what she had been subjected to. The judge realized Harry was a danger. In fact, only when the Judge threatened him did Harry finally back off and begin to see that he would be looking at jail time if he did not change, and he finally got the message.
Eventually, Jennifer got her divorce and a new start in life. She still has a PFA against Harry and has since moved to a different town. But, he is gone and the kids are safe. They no longer have to put up with his violent antics.
Mental and Verbal abuse is every bit as traumatic and damaging as physical abuse. Such transgressions are unacceptable in a marriage and are surely grounds for divorce. Never tolerate verbal or physical abuse!
