Mary and Mike were married for twenty years before Mike’s drinking problem finally forced them into a bitter divorce. They had two kids together and shared much animosity over how they should be raised. Their story illustrates a good point about getting beyond anger and getting on with your lives respectably. In fact, sometimes, by taking the high road with your nasty Ex, you make things easier on yourself.
Mike really hit hard times when he got nailed for his third DUI and was sent to jail. Plus, he was so far behind on his child support there was no hope of ever catching up. Worse, without a license, he lost his job in the trucking business. Essentially, Mike was flat broke and fighting an addiction. However, he still loved his kids and wanted to see them.
Mary, on the other hand, was getting along - barely. She was finding it very difficult to raise their kids and manage their school while she worked an extra job to make ends meet. She was at her wits end. When Mike came around looking to see the kids, she filed a petition against him threatening to have him thrown in jail for failure to pay child support.
The fact is both were struggling desperately and were only hurting each other. But, soon things began to change.
Mike finally joined Alcoholics Anonymous and tried to beat his habit. He was looking to regain and rebuild his life, despite being financially insolvent. In court, they would yell and scream at each other about visitation and child support (neither one had money for an attorney). Finally, a judge made them get attorneys and told them they must get together and work out their differences.
It was at such meetings that Mary learned that Mike was really trying to deal with his addiction and look for job. He needed some breathing room to allow him to regain a foothold in his life. Mary, on the other hand, would have actually welcomed a break on the weekends so she could work her other job. They discovered they could help each other out by losing the anger and vitriol and (at least) trying to see where the other one was coming from.
As a gesture of good will, Mike even gave Mary all the money he could up front, in exchange for a reduction in his child support arrears. Mary acquiesced to Mike’s needs to see his kids, which allowed her some much needed free time. They didn’t end up being friends when it was all said and done, but in a sense, they ended up helping each other and their kids and doing it without hostility.
They were only able to do this by getting beyond the anger and working together in a cooperative atmosphere. Yes, it took the action of a judge to make them get together but it worked out in the end because they both finally took the time to understand each other’s position and standpoint.
The lesson to learn from Mike and Mary is that despite all the hate, eventually you must be willing to cooperate without anger. Mike and Mary were able to help each other out by seeing through the anger and seeing each others real problems. That small but difficult step made all the difference in the world.
